Looking back at my first 10 day course in the intense summer heat of Kanchipuram, I realize how a lot of it was just driven by ego. I did not focus on the practice and simply wanted to prove to the world that I am capable of doing this because whenever I describe Vipasanna to friends their first reaction is “OMG I cannot this” so I wanted to the person who could. Naturally I could not continue the practice.
This time though things were different, First of all Dhamma Neru is incredible! The main Dhamma meditation hall is insulated for sound and night, it also has central air conditioning. No one came to your room ringing bells in the morning if you did not reach the mediation hall on time, there was a sense of trust. Combined with the comforts I never experienced during my first course I was very much in the mood to genuinely give it my all.
It is not really possible to describe everything I felt during the course of those 10 days but I did continue staying after the course to serve and it was an equally if not a more rewarding experience. I hope to slowly understand the value of pausing and observing in a world filled with stimulations but for that I need to keep practicing. I just got out into the world and I immediately feel like skipping a day or two but NO I really need to suck it up and do it. Good things take time, they are hard, and need patience. I am so used to getting things immediately that hard work and thinking comes with inertia.
If you reading this in the future, I hope you are meditating everyday and it has become a part of your routine, in a way a part of you. I hope you did not just hope but also tried hard as hell. Keep working and stay in the present. The past and the future will stay where they are supposed to.
Oh and do not forget the joy of being alive, Just breathe, Until you are able to.
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